No Preferences

In my quest to be more aware of my entrenched and unhelpful life patterns, I've been sitting with the phrase "may I be free from preference" from The Four Immeasurables.

On a purely intellectual level, it makes sense to not hold too tightly to expectations or to become overly attached outcomes.   We can't control most outcomes anyway so less immediate reaction equals more acceptance and balance.  More acceptance equals less stress.

But preferences are a whole other ball of wax.  My preferences are what make me who I am, aren't they?  Why would I want to give those up?  Or not have any?

I prefer order over chaos, cats over dogs, high heels over flats, red wine over white, turning right over left, raking leaves over shovelling snow, dark chocolate over white, coffee over tea and knowing over not knowing.  Without those particularities, what makes me any different from anyone else?

I guess this leads to wondering why I need to be different?  What benefit do I get from being different?  Does it make me valuable, more useful, more anything than anyone else?   And if I had no preferences, what would that look like?

Perhaps it would mean seeing each moment, each situation just as it is.  Each moment would have its own essence, its own purpose and challenge even if it didn't fall in the category of one of my preferences.  There would also be no reason to react (or over-react) because everything would be, in a sense, acceptable.  

Hmmm.   Still not sure.  I like my preferences, they seem to have developed organically and they've become part of me, intuitively.  And, I guess, they've also become part of my patterns.   More sitting with this is necessary because I'm not ready yet to be free from them.

I'll consider it more as I head off to warm up my coffee.