The Reluctant Cheerleader

Once upon a time in a land far, far away, I was sitting on a bench in a playground watching my two pre-school sons navigate the jungle gym with a raw, adventurous curiosity that only children who have not yet been formally educated can have.   

But since I'd had almost two decades of formal education by that point in my life most of my curious wonderings were tucked firmly away in deep, dusty pockets of parental responsibility, exhaustion and occasional bouts of generalized cynicism.     

Feeling protective of my pseudo-solitude moment on the bench when my boys weren't needing me to wipe something, tie something or solve some emotional crisis between them, I'm sure I let out an audible sigh when a father and his young daughter wandered into the playground. 

With no energy to make small talk, I kept my gaze in the direction of my playing boys taking full advantage of that spacey, far-off look I get when tiredness gets in the driver's seat of  my attention. A stolen sideways glance at the father revealed the slump-shouldered look of a man who likely had even less energy than I did.  For that, I was grateful.

He mumbled some sort of greeting as he sat down on the bench next to me and for a few sacred moments there was an easy silence that was broken only by our infrequent interaction with our children.  But then I heard his audible sigh revealing that he was not as much at ease as I had assumed and apparently felt a obligation to begin a conversation.

“Do you live around here?”   

We rode the merry-go-round of pleasantries for a few minutes and then he asked what my then-husband did for a living.  I caught myself hesitating to respond.  Turning to do a visual check of my boys' whereabouts, I did my best to put on an air of casualness. 

“He's a...ummm...he's a motivational speaker”.   

He grunted.  “A motivational speaker?  Humph....what does he go on about?”   

I stifled my own laughter as I tried to feebly defend my husband's choice of life's work to this stranger who clearly thought the whole thing was a load of bunk.   But, in fact, I had struggled to “get“ the idea of my ex's line of work from the moment I met him.   

Work to me meant hard labour whether that be mental, physical, emotional or spiritual.  It meant getting tired. Exhausted.  To the point of getting sick.  It meant not taking vacations.  It meant people commenting on the unbelievable schedule I was keeping and how dedicated I must be to keep up the grueling pace.  

Fast-forward a couple of decades.  Boys are now out in the world, on their own.  Ex-husband successfully motivating others in another country.   I'm choosing to reduce the grueling work pace as Guidance Counsellor, Teacher and Yoga Instructor and to find a better life/work balance.   

And after two more decades of informal education, life experience and a new-found curiosity, I'm being drawn inexplicably towards an evolving life's work of encouraging others to dig deep to discover the best version of themselves.  To give them a framework for setting out intentions and goals.  To help them rewire the neural connections, the habits and ingrained patterns that are no longer useful and are keeping them stuck.   To help them explore methods of daily groundedness and ease in the face of free-floating anxiety and numbing fear.  To challenge them to draw on their skills, their experiences and their unique personality to create a life of abundance, passion and significance.

So how's that for getting run right over by the karma bus?   Snickering cynic turned cheerleader.  Sarcastic skeptic turned self-help guru.  Life-long workaholic turned life coach.  

After I stop rolling my eyes at myself, I realize this work is what I've been doing for most of my life.  It's a natural progression of my teaching, my guiding of angst-filled adolescent learners, and my experience with yoga and meditation. The evolution of a life work that works with more balance and is deeply aligned with my core values.   

Okay, okay, okay....I guess I'll become a freakin' life coach.  But I won't cheer.  And I may occasionally suggest that a client just go ahead and “bite me”.   What can I say?   I'm a work in progress.   Clearly, I'll need to seriously re-think my marketing strategy!

PS.  On my road to becoming a lifestyle/ wellness coach, I'm intending to be mentored by Tim Brownson who blogs at http://www.adaringadventure.com .  He seems as twisted as I am so this should be some kinda fun!

Gotta Love a Monday

On Monday, I begin teaching a class of 15 year old students about the long and winding road towards finding their life's work.  From now until June, I will have a total of about 45 students in this ministry mandated course (not a huge selling point for the students...or me for that matter) about the study of Careers.


This is my ninth consecutive year teaching this course and not once has it been the same, by design.  Its evolution has mirrored my own and each year I get so pumped at the thought of seeing a tiny light of self-recognition go on for even just one student.


I'm not deluded enough to think that all of my lesson plans will be riveting for these born-wired adolescents but I'm pretty certain that the classes will be a tad different than the suits at head office had considered.  Less content dump, more learning how to learn.


We will work together at developing a deeper level of self-awareness through continual reminders to “notice”, practiced minutes of silent attending to the moment, journalling and self-assessment tests.   With the support of a guest teacher, we'll be working through some mindfulness-based stress reduction techniques especially for teens.   Where was this class when I was their age?


I've also developed a brand new unit on self-regulation, a concept quite foreign to many young people, especially the young men who's frontal lobes are still a tad doughy and need more time to finish baking!  They still struggle significantly with the idea of that their actions have consequences so goal-setting holds little meaning for them.  Impulse control and emotional self-awareness issues arise regularly in a class full of these still mushy-brained boy-types.  It only presents as behavioural in a overly structured environment like school when really much of the issue is neurological.  


As well as environmental.   Not many parents model attending to the moment nor do they create opportunities for their children to practise it.  Expecting a class full of teens to arrive already knowing how to pay attention is unreasonable and fuel for frustration.


Together with my students, we'll each set intentions and goals, plan actions to move us each forward, journal our observations, learn more about ourselves, learn how to learn, see what learning and work options exist beyond the school walls, and spend time in corporate, silent noticing.  I'm pretty sure by June, I'll know what I want to be when I grow up!


I doubt any of my students are having the same thought as me right now but I can't wait for school on Monday morning!

Bored or Boring?

I don't fully understand the concept of boredom.

It's not that each moment of my life is riveting or that every interaction is life-changing or even intensely meaningful. Far from it. In fact, from the vantage point of an innocent bystander, my life is quite middle-of-the-road and ordinary. Full of daily, repetitive movements necessitated by a life in motion. Average. As common as a kitchen sink.

But this thing we call ordinary life is frequently so awe-inspiring to me that even common days are not boring to me.

This week alone found me being awed by an enormous, burning orange sun during a morning commute, the successful resolution of two intense, work-related crisis management situations, briefly losing my cool with a colleague, choosing a nap over a weekend household chore, collecting data towards an exciting new business venture, making a choice in one single moment to not over-think my life and balancing my tendency to over-achieve with the acceptance that this is the way things are.

Nothing earth shattering. Just the stuff of a life lived out loud and in the moment. Epiphanies of the everyday. Bored? Boring? Not possible.  Thankfully!

The Second Act

I am of two minds about resolutions.  You'd think that with two minds, I should be able to process information, make decisions and think in double time but, alas, no such luck! Does sharing resolutions take the steam out of your plans because you feel as if you've already done something or does it act as an accountability guide?  Not sure.


But I've been making resolutions for as long as I can remember and not just at the dawn of a new year.  As a student then teacher, the end of August is always prime intentioning time.  Then, I'd do it all again in December,  and, for good measure over a green beer on my birthday and then one more time at the beginning of summer break.   This has always included tweaking a goal when, on the path, it has become clear that an unhealthy pattern played too much a role in the original planning stages.


To see the incredible power of intentions, put them down on paper and then tuck them away somewhere out of sight.  I've recently found lists of resolutions from 5 years ago and am amazed at how almost every single one has come to life, even the ones I'd not worked on strategically.   Not that I'd recommend not breaking down a vision into manageable, short-term to long-term goals but it's amazing how setting your frequency for where you want to go has a power all its own. 


I once heard of a man who cut a picture out of a house that he wanted to own one day and adhered it to his vision board.  Years later, after many visioning sessions, many jobs and moves later, he found his vision board packed in some boxes and was flabbergasted to realize that he was now living in the very same house he had cut out of a magazine!  


So this year is already the best one of my life so far.  What incredible abundance I have in my life.   And I've been able to say that every year since I've been more specific and strategically writing out resolutions.   Although I feel far too young and on the verge of a personal revolution to consider this my second act of life, the plans I'm envisioning do involve a change in career (again) which always seem like real page turners in the chapters of my life.   These next chapters will need to have more breath given to love and less to fear.




2012 will see the seeds of the following planted, watered or begin the glorious germination process:


1.   Create a viable small business that falls under category of Wellness Guide, Coach, Teacher, Mentor, Transition Counsellor for teens, Meditation/ Yoga Instructor.   NOT Life Coach...that term barely scratches the surface of what I'm thinking and seems too much like professional cheerleader.  I'm much too cynical and sarcastic to pull off cheerleader.  Plus the costumes are just ridiculous!


2.   Generate a vibrant, evolving client base for above business  by staying on guest teacher list at two local yoga studios, initiating contact with others doing this work to see what it takes, offering workshops & experimenting with current students who are in transition.


3.   Build a solid business plan and save enough in advance to leave my current job and still suffer the slings and arrows of a small business in its first few years of operation.  


4.   Create a unique selling proposition that clearly sets my services apart from others.


5.   Create an online presence to help promote the business and to eventually sell all the books I have inside of me waiting to be written.


6.   Explore the available funding (gov't community housing grants, green initiatives, angel investors) for building a community-based apartment complex in my backyard.  This is a longer term goal that could be a base of operations for the above business.  

7.   Run a 5K race in June in under 30 minutes. 


8.   Risk being in relationships.  Open my heart enough to risk having it be broken, to love deeply without attachment.  Risk not being in an intimate relationship.   Risk being alone.  Risk asking for help!


9.   Confront trepidation about all the above with self-care, nourishing myself with whole foods, a consistent spiritual practice, gratitude for what I already have and by realizing that I am surrounded by spirited, open-minded, generous, supportive and competent friends and family.  I couldn't be alone in this, even if I tried!




Deep breath!   Here we go.  We're all in this together. 

Epiphanies in the Dark?

I used to love the idea of the tortured artist.  The writer with the dark temperament and the drinking problem. It seemed that great works and inspired wordsmithing came from the depths of sadness, betrayal and chronic melancholia.  But so far this year (all four days of it!), I've discovered that  I can actually be surprised by joy and be inspired by serenity.  In a place of peace and celebration of loving without expectation, I am finding a level of creativity that is surprising even me.


With this daylight epiphany, came the memory of this song.  Here's Van the Man singing "Days Like This" in his regular large and in-charge fashion. 


Lyrics:



When it's not always raining there'll be days like this
When there's no one complaining there'll be days like this
When everything falls into place like the flick of a switch
Well my mama told me there'll be days like this


When you don't need to worry there'll be days like this
When no one's in a hurry there'll be days like this
When you don't get betrayed by that old Judas kiss
Oh my mama told me there'll be days like this


When you don't need an answer there'll be days like this
When you don't meet a chancer there'll be days like this
When all the parts of the puzzle start to look like they fit
Then I must remember there'll be days like this


When everyone is up front and they're not playing tricks
When you don't have no freeloaders out to get their kicks
When it's nobody's business the way that you wanna live
I just have to remember there'll be days like this


When no one steps on my dreams there'll be days like this
When people understand what I mean there'll be days like this
When you ring out the changes of how everything is
Well my mama told me there'll be days like this


Oh my mama told me
There'll be days like this